on being a mother

Does it sound strange that sometimes I forget I'm a mother? Ok, well, I seldom forget this fact on a daily basis - as there are always diapers to change, hungry mouths to feed, or little bodies needing a nice, warm hug - but yesterday, I forgot. It wasn't until today (one day past the much celebrated mother's day) that josh and I both realized, oh yeah, I'm a mother too! We'd spent much of the day before talking about our own mothers and sending them mother's day wishes and so on...but never realizing the fact that I too have reached the pinnacle of all important jobs: my very own holiday. Some good it does if I can't even remember!

I attribute it to the fact that I've been so fortunate to have many great motherly examples in my life to keep my memories occupied, primarily, my own mother. Could someone on this earth have asked for a more compassionate, gentler person than my own mother? I think not. I watched my mother in action for the many years I lived at home - and was always amazed at how spending just a few brief seconds with my mother would disarm anyone of their anger or hatred. She just has one of those hearts that not only can understand and empathize with people, but it's almost as if by her kindness to others, you can visibly see little arms reaching out from her heart to hug people.

Through many years of difficulty in her life, I watched her exhibit great faith and trust in the Lord. I've watched her struggle and overcome things that have defeated many people. Though she would deny it to her last breath, she is a person with an amazing amount of inner strength. But even that pales in comparison to her love. She just loves people. She can take in an outcast, befriend someone who has no friends, and charm herself out of nearly any quandry. Her doctors love her, the pharmacists at walgreens love her, the little old ladies at church love her - and it's so obvious why: she just loves people. I've got so much to learn from her. So, happy mother's day mom! If I'm half as cute as you when I'm 50 - or more importantly, if I can love people as completely as you do - I will consider myself a very successful person!

And the list of remarkable mothers in my life continues with my nana. I remember as a kid how my mom would talk on the phone almost every day to my nana, and I always thought, "What in the world do they have to talk about?" (Then I grew up and talked to my own mom almost every day!) Of the many admirable qualities my nana possesses, those that stick out most to me are her leadership in the family and her prayers for her children and grandchildren. Almost every time I've seen my grandmother or we talk together, she'll say things like, "Rachel, I've been praying this for you, or let's pray for so-and-so, or how can we pray about this?" I feel her prayers so often, and even when I can't, I know she still prays. Her leadership by example in our family has been profound and I shudder to think where many of us would be were it not for her prayers. Her love of music has deeply affected many of us in the family, and it is these qualities - leadership, prayer, and music - that I hope will pass on from her to me to my girls. Happy mother's day, nana!

And rounding out my list of remarkable mothers is my mother-in-law, debbie. I think I will never meet a more capable and giving person than she. I have been enriched as a person by watching her serve those around her - often quietly and thanklessly, to people who will never know to thank her - and I know that she is just as happy without the thanks. I have learned and been inspired by her organization and ability to handle a wide array of situations. Her attitude of cheerful sacrifice is amazing to me. And certainly after cooking my own thanksgiving dinner last year, I have a profound new appreciation for her culinary skills! It is impossible to dream up a better family to have married into, and I feel privileged to have a mother-in-law that has contributed to much to me as a person. Happy mother's day, debbie!

So there you have it. You can see why i forgot that I was a mother - I've got all these incredible women on my mind! But, since I did finally remember that I have my two precious own daughters - who hopefully, will someday write lovely and flowery things about me, too - I'll share some of my own thoughts.

Being a mother means...

that things don't go according to your plan. Ie, I was totally unprepared for motherhood when that little pink line stared back at me in the bathroom several years ago. In fact, I remember the exact spot I was when it was completely confirmed that there was a little Emma inside me - and I cried. I wasn't ready for motherhood. I wanted to travel (as if living overseas wasn't enough!), I wanted to have fun vacations with josh, I wanted to be young and trounce around exotic countrysides and stay in villages and...ok, well forget the part about staying in villages, but keep the rest. :) My plan was certainly not the plan that happened. I wanted children, but just not so soon. But once the plan, His plan, happened...I can't imagine any happier life than the one I'm living right now.

you get the jobs no one else wants. Like doing the dishes when everyone else is playing games after dinner, like picking up the seventeen thousand bits of potatoes that have been slung from the high chair, like changing sheets that have been peepeed in during the night, like diapers... And what post from me would be complete without Poop Story #6,783,492? So it goes like this: I'm doing the dishes a few nights ago while samantha is playing in her drawer of plastic bowls and spoons just below me. I see her stretching up her hand to me, as if her arms and face are about to fall off, she is stretching with so much gusto. I bend down to pick up whatever peice of food or trash she has scrounged, and to my great horror discover it is a peice of broken glass! In an instant, I scoop her up and rush to the bathroom, frantically checking all over her body for a gash or cut. I found a spot on her finger where she had been cut while clinging two baby food jars together - obviously, her concert ended abruptly! So, I'm running the water over her hand, and trying to hold a paper towel over the spot to stop the bleeding, but of course...she's a typical 11-month old who would rather be dead than still, so it is close to impossible to keep her finger still. I decide it is time for her first band-aid. Enter: Hello Kitty band-aid.

As the day goes on, samantha is awestruck by this new appendage. She plays with it, emma plays with it, she coos at it, she chews on it, she rubs it against things, she scratches with it. Later on that night, I noticed it wasn't on her finger anymore, but since she and emma had both been preoccupied with it all day, I wans't concerned and assumed it just fell off sometime. The next morning, we start on our morning routine of diaper changes, and lo and behold, there is hello kitty smiling up and me, surrounded on all sides by other things that had made it through samantha's digestive tract! Crack me up! the girl ate her band-aid! So, yeah...being a mother means that I see hello kitty in poopy diapers.

you watch firsthand the miracle of growth. How my children have progressed from helpless infants to functioning toddler and pre-toddler is astounding to me! I really try every day to spend a few moments consciously enjoying being with my kids - reminding myself as I watch them stack blocks or open and shut their fingers or make muffins on the pretend kitchen that they are growing so fast. And I remember hearing people say, "They just grow up overnight!" and I have living proof of that...

For the last two weeks, samantha has been toying with the idea of walking. Two steps here, four steps and a lunge, three steps and a retreat to the hands and knees. But something in her clicked today, like she just woke up and decided that she was officially a walker! Every time she has wanted to go somewhere today, she has stood up and walked. When she eyes emma playing on the slide, she stands up, takes about 10 or 12 steps over to the slide and climbs up it. She walked to the toy box from across the room. She walked over to her high chair from the living room. It was literally like overnight. And even though I was sad to see her pass so quickly to this new stage, I feel comforted by the fact that she's still little enough to let me snuggle her before she goes to bed. She'll burrow her little head in the crook of my arm every night and let me kiss on her as a sleepy smile passes over her face.

But she's not the only one growing! One of emma's funny "growing up" things has been in her vocabulary development, which is astounding already. BUT..she has always referred to her best friend the blanket as "gan-ken". We've never really told her she was saying it wrong, only have said, "oh, your blanket?" Well, now she doesn't say "gan-ken", she now says, "blanklet", which is seriously just as cute as ganken. :)

you can create memories for your family. Funny how so many of my memories revolve around food, but when I think of memories that are specific to my mother, I think of making brownies and licking the batter, or going to walgreens to hoarde strawberry creme easter eggs, or making chicken and rice. I think I'm continuing that trend in my family! Tonight, after further inspiration from the previously mentioned homesick texan, I made homemade biscuits and they were really good, especially for a first try! In fact, when emma woke up from her nap today, she said, "Mommy, can I have a snack? How about a muffin?" (and she was right - banana chocolate chip muffins had just popped out of the oven!) So maybe we are destined to have food memories together...

you love and sacrifice more than you ever thought possible. I think I didn't realize how much my mother did for me until I had emma and samantha. I also think I didn't realize how you don't really think about how much you are doing for your kids - only that you are able to do things for them and how happy it makes you to do it. Things that we do today - whether by putting money away for them or not eating chocolate - so that their life is made easier or happier doesn't even register on the radar of sacrifice, because we're so happy to do it. I really didn't expect how overwhelming the connection is between a mother and child. When I look into samantha's delightful eyes, or laugh as emma gives me zerberts on my tummy, or sing songs with them or tell them the most hare-brained story I can think of, I have the fiercely strong feelings that millions of mothers before me have felt...and that one day my children will feel as they watch their kids laugh...

and then it seems unimaginable that I forgot I was a mother.