going to kindergarten

It goes without saying that though Josh and I can get by in asianese, we do not speak it fluently (though josh IS trying hard to change that!). When we think about Emma and mantha growing up here, we know that they will likely speak it fluently, but right now that is not the case. Not only is that frustrating (like, when we go outside, they can't tell people to quit rubbing their hair or they don't want to hold hands) but it also prevents them, to some degree, from making local friends.

We've started thinking about letting emma go to a kindergarten one or two mornings a week for several reasons: 1) to get out of the house, 2) to have more opportunities to speak and hear asianese, 3) to make some new little friends, and 4) to give mom a break (but that one is a very distant fourth place... :)

We found a friend that owned a christian kindergarten, so we were definetly willing to check it out and see what things are like. First of all, it's not exactly kindergarten. It's more like glorified, structured daycare. Since in this country, stay-at-home mom's are nearly impossible to find, these "kindergartens" are a dime a dozen.

Off we were this morning, battling the fierce mountain wind that greets us the moment we step outside our door. We took a taxi to a part of town I have never been before. The "kindergarten" was located in a nice apartment complex full of landscaped gardens and sits right in the shadow of the southern mountains in our city. As soon as we rang the bell, we were greeted by a crowd of frenetic two-year olds, happily screaming greetings to us as we removed our layers of winter clothing. Emma stood there, unsure if she was supposed to overwhelmed or if she should immediatley join the excitement herself.

She warmed up much faster than i thought. Maybe it's partially because there are usually so few people that are her size. Even when we go to playgrounds, most of the kids are much older and more physically capable than she is. So, here she was, surrounded by twenty pairs of eyes that were right at her level. Even though she had no idea what was going on unless we would translate, she did a great job.

Even though I was happy to see her making friends, I was really surprised at how sad I felt. It seemed like I was watching her grow up right before my eyes. For the first time in her life, when she was unsure of what to do, she looked to others. Her eyes darted for the cute little girl in the blue sweater, who took emma under her wing. She looked at the teacher so she could imitate what she was doing. She followed the lead of the other kids. The whole time, I watched from the sidelines, aware that this was just the first of many times I would have to let her go and let others help her. Not even one time did she need me this morning. I didn't realize how hard growing up was - for her and for me!

All in all, it was a great morning. Emma got to play on the slides, walk around with the other kids, got to sing asianese songs, play with balls, and play finger games. I think when we come back from thailand, we are thinking about letting her go one or two mornings a week to play. See if you can spot her in the pictures, haha!

samantha had a good time too! She really enjoyed watching the kids bounce around and play. Though she gave emma a run for her money in the "garnering attention" category! All the little kids were fascinated with the little foreign baby, and luckily, today samantha was more than happy to oblige with happy smiles and sweet giggles.

With girls like this, who needs anything else?

we all wear many hats...

it's true. We all have lots of responsibilities, causing us to wear lots of different hats. But, my dear emma has taken that saying just a bit too far. You see, recently, she has discovered that inside her closet, there is a drawer full of winter and summer hats. She can spend hours filtering through the drawer, picking out hats, trying them on, putting them back, passing them out to different people in the house for them to wear, giving them to mantha, putting them on dora...truly, this occupies a significant portion of her day.

My sister, katie, commented a few days ago how my children were destined to follow in thier aunt's footsteps and become a diva, and I think she may have prophesied correctly! Emma loves clothes, hats, anything new! Yesterday, we were going through our bags of new clothes to take to Thailand, and she excitedly picked up every peice of clothing. Each peice had its own comment:

"ooooh!"

"wow, momma!"

"so pretty...flowers on it..."

"aaaah!"

"nice!"

It was quite a funny little show. Then, after looking through the stack - TWICE - she decided she wanted to try them on. She looked at me, and said "Emma wear it." So we put on a pink flowerdy dress. She then said, "Take a picture!" So we had a mini-fashion show while she tried on a new polka-dot swimsuit (though not a polka-dot bikini!), dresses, dora pants, cute skirts...she'll be styling when we hit the beach!

Here are some pictures of my hat diva:

do you believe in miracles?

well, I'm starting to!

So this week, not ALL of our five packages came, but one of them made it here yesterday morning! I was so excited to see the delivery man at the door - and just before opening it, made some sarcastic remark to no one in particular about how it was probably of our packages! Woo hoo!!!

Emma and Mantha got tons of cute new clothes, josh got his shorts, and I got some fun scrapbooking stuff. One down, four to go...!

The other major miracle since my last post (which feels like ages ago) is that our internet is up and working at its normal rate now! Of course, now the normal speed feels strangely like a car spinning out of control because it is so mind-bogglingly fast, but we're not complaining! So I guess now I have no excuse to be so lazy on my posts.

Samantha had a great day with her skin yesterday - I actually thought she was healed when I went to get her out of bed. Her face was totally clear, her arms and chest were too. Then, I changed her diaper and saw that she still had some redness and bumps on her legs and stuff, but yesterday was a great day! I waited all day to try to get a family picture since she was looking so beautiful, but it never seemed to happen.

We're hoping when we go to thailand on vacation next week - yeah, that's right! Vacation....NEXT WEEK!! - that the humidity and warm air will help her skin! We are so excited about our upcoming trip and hanging out at the pool, the beach, and Outback Steakhouse!

There's lots more to write, but I sense in my spirit that the precious naptime moments are quickly passing through the hourglass...so I shall leave you with a few cute pics of my gals!

a week of miracles - warning!! long post!!

So I don’t necessarily want to call this a week of miracles, because putting some of the things that have happened this week on the same plane as oh, say, being healed or raised from the dead seems a little frivolous. But, nonetheless, there have been some unusual happenings this week that are worth mention…

For starters, on Sunday morning – bright and early – my new table came! YAY! It was truly worth the wait and now it sits in all of its bigness in my dining room. It actually sort of dwarfs the room, but hey, if you ever want to have a big gathering, my house is now the place to be. And, if we have four other children, everyone can be comfortably seated without much ado, like bringing in the old card table, folding chairs, or someone sitting on the piano bench. Now, putting down all that cash was a little more difficult to accept…but I’m glad we waited to get what we wanted and didn’t settle for some random piece of cheap furniture. How we will get it back to the States should we ever resettle in America is certainly another issue since each chair weights about as much as I do, but we’ve got a table for the ages now!

Today was another accident free day for Emma – woo hoo, emmy! If I can recant my opening statement, I think that deserves to be on a plane at least close to some of those biblical miracles!

But here is the find of the century for all of us Asia-dwellers…

Somehow, in some conversation somewhere about something, something about avacadoes was mentioned in the presence of our ever-resourceful, snake-fat-oil-suggesting house helper. So she takes it upon herself to check out some of the wholesale bakers markets in town…and reports back to us with the word that, if we wanted, we could buy avacadoes here in our town.

The thought that this is possible was truly baffling to us, because though there are many imported items you can get here in our asialand, avocadoes is always top on every expat’s “things-I-miss-most-about-home” list. The name doesn’t even translate well into the local language, most people have never heard of one, much less seen one or tasted one.

So she pops in one day and tells us the good news that we can buy avocadoes, but then the bad news: we have to buy them in bulk. Bulk here means in boxes of 30 or 36. Wowza (to take rachel w’s word…)! That’s a lot of green stuff! But we agreed to it anyway, and today, just as promised, a box of 30 avocadoes was delivered to our home. Those nice and bumpy skins just waiting to be cut open and destroyed by tortilla chips…

Tonight we feasted on taco salads with refried beans, sour cream, guacamole, cheddar cheese (another hard find), Tostitos, and topped off with chocolate covered strawberries. The other good news is that we have like, 25 avocadoes left, still sitting in the kitchen!

So, in keeping with my miracle week, I am hoping beyond hope that some packages we are waiting on will come. Now a quick word about packages – packages are truly a lifeline to home. It’s where friends and family send you lots of little goodies that make life easier and more fattening when you are away from the obese land of the USA. Chocolate chips, cute baby clothes, Christmas presents, good quality anything…packages are so fun to get and even more fun to open. They bring warm fuzzies and remind you that people back home love you and remember you and take the time to pick stuff out just for you and then take even more time to make sure you get it. The good feeling lasts for days, and sometimes even weeks if you can wisely ration your goods. But, Mr. Postman has been playing a cruel joke on us and we are still waiting on FIVE – yes, count them, FIVE – packages that should have already been here weeks, even months ago.

It is agonizing to me every time I think of it – the contents of some packages were Christmas presents that have been much anticipated…hmmmm, I think a new pampered chef garlic press, some scrapbooking stuff, new clothes for josh to wear on our upcoming vacation in Thailand, and who knows what else? That’s the fun of packages – you don’t know what’s inside! Anyway, along with those packages are three boxes of books we had shipped over here.

Books, sure, are replaceable. I even made a list of the contents of each box so that I would know if something was lost or opened. But there are a few irreplaceable items in those boxes – my Bible, given to me as my wedding present from my husband, which I have used my entire married life. (I foolishly thought it just a little too heavy to pack in our luggage and decided instead to ship it.) It contains many notes and personal reflections since 2000, including the beginning of my life overseas, the passing of my grandfather, the birth of my two children, and many other impacting, but less significant events. Its contents can never be replaced or replicated. If it is lost, I shall truly be crushed.

Another important item in one of those boxes lost in post office abyss is Samantha’s baby book – which contains the only ultrasound pictures we have while she was her cute little self in utero, exact details and personal thoughts of her birth, and her “just born” hand and footprints that were taken at the hospital that happy day of June 17th. I sigh and my spirit falls every time I think about it.

But, I’m starting to drive my husband crazy, because I got this crazy idea on Sunday when our table came. I decided that this was my week of miracles and that this would be the week that our five boxes came. Every time the doorbell rings, I jump and scurry to the door. My poor husband probably feels rejected every time he comes home, because he knows I’m hoping it’s the delivery man! When we walk into our apartment building, I try to throw a casual glance toward our mailbox, hoping to see a notification slip that we have a package waiting for us. I give expectant looks to the apartment manager people who sit mindlessly at the little desk by the wall of mailboxes.

But now it is almost Friday morning, and my miracles haven’t come yet. There’s probably some wife of an asian FedEx guy who is happily using MY garlic press to press HER garlic! I guess since I said “my week of miracles” I (or God, or FedEx or EMS or someone) still has until Sunday, but…

mama eggroll made it online!

What follows is perhaps my most random post ever, full of all the thoughts I’ve wanted to blog about over the last several days but have been prevented from posting due to the thorn in our flesh, the broken underwater fiber-optic cable:

What a great life it must be to know that Dora the Explorer and chocolate can solve all your problems! Not that I have ever underestimated the powers of chocolate, but still…

Today was Emma’s first accident-free day! Yeah, I know…it was December 27th when we started the whole potty training ordeal. There were many days that almost won the title of “first accident-free day”, but then something would happen – either an early mistake when she first woke up, or being too careless late at night. Oh well, it finally happened today! AND, I might add (to brag on my daughter a bit) today was accident-free even through 1)going to clara’s house for most of the morning and early afternoon (meaning TWO taxi rides where she set me in a panic by announcing with a dead-pan look on her face “poopoo mama!”) 2) wearing her cute little panties even at naptime and staying dry and 3) spending most of the evening running errands with us and going potty at her first public restroom (in the States, even public restrooms are not so clean. You can just imagine the situation over here…) SO, props to emma, huh? She did great today.

The thing is, we’ve been luring her by the promise of adding a Dora sticker to a little piece of paper that is taped above her potty chair whenever she goes poopoo on her potty, and of course, a small piece of chocolate. Amazingly enough, after she would poopoo, she would be so distracted by the thrill of putting the sticker on the paper, she forgot about the chocolate!!! So, thank you dora, for being such a good inspiration to my sweet girl.

Speaking of Dora, josh recently has been making up bedtime stories for emma, which she totally loves. She will lay mesmerized in his arms while she listens to him spin a story that would impress anyone. One important part of the story is personalizing all the characters. Josh will ask emma, “who should mommy be? Who should daddy be?” The usual characters shake out as follows (if you are not up on your Dora trivia, tune into Nick Jr. if you want to be a friend of Emma’s!): EmmaDora (pronounced as one word, not divided), DaddyBoots, MommaTico (how I was chosen by her little mind as Tico I will never understand) and ManthaIsa.

So as josh’s tales get taller and taller, I just listen with amusement while I watch them bond. So a few nights ago, Josh was telling a story about how mommatico was driving through the forest, picking up all her friends, including of course, emmadora, daddyboots, and manthaisa. An interesting thought hit me as I pictured Tico the squirrel driving through the forest: he is the only character on the Dora show that speaks no English (the rest of the are bilingual, you know) yet, he is the only character on the show who has a drivers license. Where’s the logic in that???

Emma lately has been quite the bucket of laughs. It seems like everything that comes from her mouth is so innocently funny and cute (except, of course, her impetuous “NO’s!”) Here are two of the funnies we’ve had around here:
-I was admiring emma one evening as she was reading a book. Her hair was messy (as usual) but something about the way it fell on her face that night, the way her little eyes twinkled all full of toddler excitement, and the precious curves on her face just melted my heart. So I said, “Emma, wow, you are such a pretty girl! Momma loves you!” She smiled with innocent pride. Then I said, “Emma, we can thank God for everything – we can even thank God for your beauty! You can say, ‘Thank you God for my beauty!’” So, in obedient fashion, Emma replies, “Thank you God for my booty!” What’s not to love about that?! J


Samantha has decided that she will not give up the limelight easily to her big sister! She is getting to be a big girl in her own right! Recently, I’ve stood her up next to this activity table that she loves, and I’ll surround her with pillows on all sides in case her leanings take her a bit too far. The girl can stand up by herself for 10 or 15 minutes! Holy moly, where did that come from?! This ability has been the delight of her days recently, and has freed up my arms quite a bit to actually get some stuff done!

I’m sorry to say, though, that her eczema is not doing so great – it’s particulary itchy on her head because in the morning when I go to get her, she has red scratches and bloody areas on the back of her head where she has cut herself from scratching! Yuck! So we are trying yet another strange form of asian herbal remedies…actually, I’m not sure if its herbal or medicinal, or what. It smells weird, but they all assure me that its safe and stuff. I just want her to be more comfy! So we’ll see how that all works out.

Well, there you have it for now. Tomorrow night is game night with a few other foreign couples in town. Hopefully, the kiddos will go to bed early and we can stay up late and catchphrase or scrabble or quiddler to our hearts’ content…

hanging in there

For whatever reason, my internet connection is flying like a space-age jet, so I will take advantage of it and post!

I want to say thanks to you guys for your encouraging words and thoughtful responses to my crisis of motherhood a few days ago. The last few days truly have been better, for lots of reasons. First, I think, is that (at least a few of the days) I got up a little earlier than the girls and took a few moments to quiet my heart before Him and prepare for the day. Even just a few moments seemed to change my attitude for the day and influence events from there. Truly, that we have the ability to come before an amazing God who not only loves us, but has the power to change us should never be taken for granted.

Another more sobering reason is that a few days ago, through a friend of a friend, I became aware of a family in colorado who, on Friday (usa time) had to make the heart-wrenching decision to take their 7-month-old child off of life support. He had been critically ill for many months; the best efforts of doctors only left them more confused to his ailment. But, the testimony of the family and their trust in the Lord during such emotional agony is utterly amazing. As I read their blog over and over again, hot tears spilling over my cheeks (while emma obliviously watched Dora save the soccer game), I realized how easy to take the days for granted. It gave me the extra motivation I needed to remember that I ought to "give thanks for everything", including the opportunities to help my children become more christ-like!

In other, more random bits-and-peices from our life, Emma can recite huge chunks of songs, poems and books that she has consistent contact with. Since her powers of memory have been on such great display, we decided last week that we'd try to help her start memorizing things that can truly benefit her (not that there's anything WRONG with saying quatro, cinco, seis, or reciting every page of "I'm a big sister" - the long-standing favorite on the bookshelf). So we started last week with Genesis 1:1, which she knows when prompted. Then, thursday, we learned part of Acts 5:29 - We must obey God. She really remembers it and can say it! Of course, we think she's brilliant-child!

Samantha is making quick work of becoming mobile. Yesterday, she transported herself about three feet (though I hesistate to call it crawling just yet because it still looked...well, a little strange. But she got from pointA to pointB, and isn't that really the point?) She can stand alone for a while on her own, and is quite happy with her newfound abilities. We bought a huge blanket to put on the floor of the living room so she has a safer, and more public place to play (she didn't like being sequestered on the corner of the couch). I've been a little sad at how fast she has seemed to grow up! Can't she just make it stop...?

anyway, thanks again for all your prayers and comments. More from us when the internet works...

Motherhood is not for wimps

After almost two hours, I finally pulled myself away from my steaming bath where I mindlessly played Bejeweled on Josh’s ipod. (yeah, apparently that super-addictive game that comes on cell-phones can be purchased for your ipod, too! And my husband, who knew I spent some of my early labor with Samantha playing it, decided to buy it for me as a new year’s present. Hmm…that five dollars just might ruin all my free time…yikes!)

Anyway, my blog is sort of on life-support now. Not because I am tired of blogging – no, on the contrary! It’s still that stupid underwater cable that slows down our internet. I could mail a letter individually to all my readers faster than I will be able to post this blog. Nevertheless, that is not the point of my post.

The point of this blog (as you can tell from the title) is that my motherhood abilities lately have been stretched. The way I see it, one of these two factors is the issue: (a) I have TWO children or, (b) I have one child who is two years old. When emma was samantha’s age, life was happy, fun, and do-able. There was little I needed to do for her except feed, change, and love her. Kisses and focused attention were cures for anything.

Oh, but now that Emma is a two-year-old, there’s more to the package than just meeting physical needs. There are other parts of her little self that are maturing – her spirit, her will, her soul. Those aspects have required much more of me than I thought. It’s true – when the battle is just against “flesh and blood”, solutions come easy. But now the battle is against “spiritual forces”, that ingrained nature that wills against everything that her conscience prods her to do.

And I am her mother – I have the God-given job of tear-wiper, nose-cleaner, boo-boo-kisser. I also have been entrusted by God to help guide her on a path towards righteousness, to point her towards God Himself.

But how can I do that when I rely on my own power? Sure, no one would outright say that they live their life in their own power – but my actions are screaming what my words would never be bold enough to say. My actions say that I’m too busy changing diapers, getting lunch ready and cleaning dirty toddler panties to really spend much time with Him. My actions are saying that since my children have an insane tendency to wake up with the roosters that I get a free-pass for not being diligent to rise before them. My actions say, “Sorry, Lord…I’ll try to handle today on my own.”

And recently my world has come crashing down. Nothing drastic, nothing terrible. Just the constant grind of daily demands that saps my kindness, my gentleness, my godliness. Being the best mother I can be is just not a good standard anymore. There are some days when “the best I can do” is a pretty pathetic display of behavior. Just because that is “the best I can do” does not mean that is how God intended me to parent my children that day.

My call is to be the mother HE wants me to be. That means exhibiting His qualities towards my children. That means that when Emma pees in her panties for the six-billionth time, that I can firmly punish her but can do it without letting my exasperation shame her. That means when Emma chooses to act like a two-year-old, I choose to act like the Lord, NOT like a two-year-old. That means if I spend the entire day holding Samantha, dealing with emma, and keeping the house in quasi-order, I can do it without carrying my “woe is me” attitude around with me. I can do it, as serving the Lord, not serving men.

But it also means that I need to make my time with Him more of a priority. If I have to wake up earlier, so be it. (perhaps I should go to bed earlier instead of posting to my blog at 1130pm…) Most certainly, something has to change. One thing is certain: I’m a pretty decent mom. But pretty decent is not my standard, or His.

Will you pray for me? I truly feel like Emma is at a crucial time in her life – she is learning her boundaries, she is learning right and wrong and the consequences of each. The spiritual foundation she will carry with her all of her life is being laid during these early years. Many days, I feel I am far from adequate for the task. I feel like I respond to her from my own flesh and my own wisdom. I feel exasperated. I feel frustrated. I feel like all my glorious visions of motherhood are swirling wildly down the drain. And yet, I want to respond to her with God’s love, in ways that point her towards the infinite kindness and tenderness of her Heavenly Father. What an overwhelming responsibility!

Please pray that my time with Him will set the tone for each morning; that my relationship with emma will flow from my relationship with my Father. Pray that I can get my lazy duff out of bed in the morning so that I have some moments of solitude before the chaos begins.

Life in a fishbowl

Life in a Fishbowl

Life in asialand has been a little frustrating lately, especially as it relates to anything internet-related (which, let’s just face it, includes a whole lot of stuff). That earthquake that hit after Christmas in Taiw@n damaged a major cable that ran under the pacific ocean, connecting internet users from the asian and north American continents. Even though we do not live in Taiw@n, the damaged cable has affected nearly every Asian country – Japan, Korea, China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Singapore, Indonesia, even some parts of Australia. For the last week, our internet has been largely non-existent. Today was the first day I’ve even been able to pull up blogger since the 27th. So, you have my apologies for my unplanned absence. All that to say, I’ve got lots to blog about, but it will be coming in little chunks, as my husband has less of a capacity to stay up late than I do, and the nighttime hours are my only chance to blog.

So here’s the story the title alluded to…

Here in our city is this place called “Gymboree: play, ,art, and music”. Yeah, the ultra-expensive kids clothing store in the States also apparently has an ultra-expensive educational daycare program for babies and toddlers. It is advertised in this country as a place to get your kids to be exposed to English (as all the activities are supposedly done in English) but the truth is, there are few places like this in this country. Gymboree here does do lots of fun things – like special art and music emphasis, planned activities that encourage thinking, stimulation, and are geared to challenge different age levels. The locals here think it is super cool, and it truly is a neat place, even from me, who hails from the American land of plenty.

Yet, like I said, it is ultra-expensive. Sure, our US dollar goes a long way in the local currency, but I don’t think even WE could afford it. You sign up for a certain amount of sessions that are once a week, 45 minutes a session. So, a two-year commitment (the standard contract) will cost you about $1200! Over a thousand dollars to take your kid once a week to play! Yikes!

We have opted out of the sparkling clean Gymboree play sessions, but were all too happy to accept an invitation to a birthday party for our friend “ding ding” (yes, I’m serious) held there after Christmas. Even though the party started at 7:00pm (just a hare before bedtime for Emma), we showed up and participated in all the fun games. We played the parachute thing where all the adults grab a handle of the parachute and then make it billow up and down, there were games that involved catching bubbles that were being spit out of a bubble blower, and lots of big cushions where the kiddos could bounce and bounce to their hearts content.

Then, after every ounce of energy that could be sapped from the toddlers was gone, they escorted us all down to an open lobby-type area for some small snacks and drinks. Here’s where the story gets interesting. The Gymboree is located inside of a huge supermarket with lots of other stores, similar to a large shopping mall. The outside walls of the Gymboree are all glass and open up to all the foot traffic coming and going from the grocery store. We ourselves have walked passed the Gymboree many times as we have made our weekly grocery shopping trips, and usually throw a quick glance over there to see what might be going on.

But December 27th was different. December 27 had foreigners playing in the Gymboree! So all the foot traffic walking by the Gymboree decided to stop and look and stay and stare. It might take you a moment to figure it all out, but look closely at the picture. You can see that Rachel and I are talking on the couches in the upper left. John is playing with his daughter somewhere in the middle, and Josh snapped the picture. All along the wall you can see the attention that was attracted by the curious mob, wondering what in the world the foreigners would have been doing inside the Gymboree.

It honestly felt like a case of the haves vs. the have-nots – all the people who can’t afford the thousand-dollar investment in their kids English ability looking longingly at the people who have forked out the dough.

It was funny to see this microcosm of what life often feels like for us. It truly feels like we are constantly being watched, observed, scrutinized, criticized, adored, revered…life over here is such a strange feeling. It really is like living in a fishbowl.