The New Year's R-word

One of my best friends from high school recently added two cats to her growing family. If it weren't for her excellent and thought-provoking blog, the cats would have put me over the edge and the friendship would have been called off. [Just kidding, becky. I'm not that fickle!] Anyway, she recently commented on the fact that life with young children can feel "foggy".

I loved how she worded that, because I often feel a little foggy.

I get the job done. We have fun. For the most part, home life and schedules and relationships run smoothly.

Yet, it still feels a little foggy.

In actuality, the last six months have been months of transition. From packing up our home to move to America, to unpacking our suitcases while living in America, to welcoming Silas and getting through those early months of babyness....it felt like I kept waiting for a moment to catch my breath.

And all the while, I've just been coasting. Coasting with homeschool, coasting with ministry plans, coasting - tragically - with my time with the Lord.

I subtly push my time with the Lord to a more convenient time of day, only to discover at the end of the day, it's time for bed. I rationalize that my need to deal with laundry or the girls activities trumps my need for refreshment from His word.

And yet, only by completely undeserved acts of His grace, I feel the Spirit stirring in my heart, creating in my heart renewed desires for Him, compelling me to love Him more, follow Him more deeply, elevate Him above all else in my life.

Only His Spirit can do that, folks. That ain't no New Years Resolution. That is only the pure and powerful and undeserved work of the Spirit of God. And how thankful I am for it!

I have been compelled to pray and plead that this year is one of intentionality and purpose for me. I've had the thought many times recently that life is like those old 35-millimeter cameras that used film. You only get one shot, and that exposure is done. Digital cameras have spoiled us to re-take and re-take and re-pose and try again with our pictures.

But life? Nah. Each day is one exposure. That's what you get - no retakes.

Truthfully? If I look honestly at my time, I realize that a much-too-large-percentage of my free time is spent on activities that are mindless - facebook, reading blogs of people I don't even know, getting all the latest news stories. In short, the internet gobbles up my free time. Time I can't get back, and time that causes my family to suffer in my lack of planning and preparing for the next day.

I want to be purposeful about putting Christ first.

I want to be purposeful in making each day count with my kids.

I want to be intentional about how I spend my time, about where my best efforts are going.

The Spirit is stirring in me, and I want to respond. I'm thankful for the growth in me that has happened in the last year, but I want more. I still find myself face-to-face with my weaknesses and imperfections and those corners of pride deep in my heart, and my response? More of you, Jesus! Less of me!

I'm not resolving.

I'm responding.

Gracious Spirit of God, stir in each of us!