Home Invasion

I really do like my house in this county. It has plenty of room for all of us (though not quite enough storage space) and it is starting to feel really homey.

The problem is that we aren’t the only ones who think it feels homey.

That’s right; my kitchen has become home to a nice and thoughtful community of cockroaches.

I say thoughtful because they seem to understand that we human-types aren’t too fond of cockroaches, so they generally stay out of sight during daylight hours. When I’m busy baking cookies, muffins, and chicken strips, they are nowhere to be seen. They wait until they think I am safely done with my kitchen duties of the day before they begin their late-night parties.

Then, when I unexpectedly need a glass of water, or I need to put something back in the fridge and the light pops on, they run for cover. They understand I don’t like them, so they are thoughtful enough to scurry back to their homes.

Nice, thoughtful cockroaches.

Wanting to repay their kindness, I searched the internet for a non-toxic and humane way to kill cockroaches. I found this guy’s PhD report online that documented perhaps every known fact about cockroaches. In the FAQ section of his paper, he addresses how to humanely killcockroaches, but adds: Because I devote my life to the study of cockroaches, I cannot condone the killing of any cockroaches. However, since most people think they are an unsightly nuisance, here are some ways…blah blah blah.

What a life. Studying cockroaches.

So anyway, we were living out a sort of shaky co-existence when yesterday one brave cockroach has put the entire cockroach community in danger.

I was in the kitchen in broad daylight making lunch; Samantha was laying happily on the floor gazing at magnets. Emma was somewhere running around in the house, I’m sure. Perhaps that was when she unrolled the entire roll of toilet paper. I’m still unsure the exact time that crime occurred.

Anyway, we were all there, minding our own human-business, when along he trod.

A grandpapa cockroach, all fat and happy from months of nibbling on josh and rach leftovers. What audacity! Maybe he was scoping out special treats he could bring back for the grandkids, who knows…but in broad daylight?! And as if nothing were wrong with this? He was not in any such hurry, not aware that his human landlord was watching him, nearly burning a hole in the back of his shiny cockroach back.

I had previously bought these little black boxes made by Raid that are supposed to emit some sort of roach-killing odor. However, the cockroaches seem to have turned those against me. Josh calls them the “ little black forts” because instead of the roaches running from them (in order to escape the “deadly fumes”) they instead run into them for cover when the kitchen door swings open. Yes, granddaddy cockroach himself came sauntering out of the little black fort.

So, as you can see, something must be done about my cockroach community. They are no longer welcome to peacefully coexist in my kitchen. They are no longer welcome to nibble on my muffin crumbs. They are no longer welcome to hide under my stove, to scramble around on my counter.

Something must be done.